F is for Fail.

"Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out."- Benjamin Franklin

You know, I've always been afraid to fail in life. I've been afraid I would disappoint everyone who I've ever known if I was a failure. I mean, that's what this life is all about right? Getting the approval of others because you've become a mechanical engineer, a doctor, or maybe even an astronaut. WRONG. Life is about failing. Failing miserably. Fail hard. Fail a lot. Don't be afraid to fail, because in the end, no ones watching. Its all about you baby.

As I was getting ready today, I was listening to my iPod and stumbled across a song by Stephanie Smith that made me take courage, and to feel a little bolder. It is called My Giant.

My nightmare begins around the time when I'm first awake

Rolling out of bed, and on to another day

A thought drops into my head

Oh, you'll never be anyone, anyway 

You can't change, so why don't you stay right here

No, no, no

I can't take another day of the constant bullying

There's no escaping the noise, the voice that's following me

When I'm with my friends they just can't see the enemy anywhere

She's right here 

The back of my mind, the heart of my fear.

Chorus:

My problem, My Giant,

Just won't keep quiet

She's first thing every morning,

To the last thing that I hear at night

And she can't be completely indestructible

I only wish I could see how to defeat My Giant.

I've tried everything,

Hiding, fighting and sneaking around

But each time she finds me 

flat on my back and laughs out loud

Theres got to be a way to knock her down

But I've already thrown my last stone

And she's not falling

Chorus

I just want her out here

If I can't make her disappear

Then I'll cover my ears

My problem, My Giant,

Is suddenly quiet

She lost her power when i shut her out

And she can't be completely indestructible,

No,

Now that I see how to defeat my Giant.

I'll stop listening, I'll stop listening,

Yeah, No more listening, No

'Cause I'm not listening to My Giant.

So I've taken to failing a lot in my life as of late, not because I really wanted to, but maybe just because it happened that way. Of course I had the choice to fail, but with my hindsight that we oh so wish we didn't have, I see the major mistakes I made, and wish I could change them. Us as humans normally don't like to share our failures. We seem weak and vulnerable, like we LIKE to fail. Not so my friends, not so. Having the courage to face your failures, and pretty much kick the trash out of them the next go round, that, oh that is sweet victory. So you know what I'd like to tell each of you? Fail. Do it. GO ON. FAIL! Because you'll be a better person than you were before. You'll gain knowledge you didn't see before. Yeah sure, you may say "Dang it. I wish I did that differently." Well do it differently! God gives us second chances all the time. Why not give yourself a second chance every once and a while?

In my Graphic Design class, which I LOVE to death, my teacher has made me grow so much, and made me stop and think about how much my life was my own. He was not teaching me to rebel, or eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow I would die... no. He was teaching me to take the things I am learning into my own hands, and fail at them. How else would I learn? We don't all come walking out of the womb, talking perfectly. We fall and get back up again. Try, try, try. We say funny things like aminal instead of animal. Oreo instead of Ariel. We're human. And that's the way it should be. 

I had a lot of trouble last semester. Yes I got engaged, but for the last 4 weeks of the semester, I was so depressed I could hardly get out of bed. Fail? Yes. I did just that in all but two of my classes. SURPRISE! Am I weakening myself? No, I'm taking courage. I'm taking all of those classes over, if not this semester, I am the next semester. And you know what? I'm kicking the trash out of them! I have an "A" in my graphic design class, where before i had a C, then failed because I didn't feel like I could design as well as the other students. WIN. Sure, I'm having a hard time with English and a Science class that bore me to tears, but I'm gonna try to make these last 4 weeks count. And you know what? If I fail, GOOD! People have always told us that we had better not fail. Then obviously we'd be a FAILURE. No. Wrong-o people. I'm gonna fail and I'm gonna like it!  A lot! Because I may not get it the first time around, but the second time, I'll be ready, and I'll be prepared. 

I always have been afraid of failure. Depression is a failure. I have it. Anxiety is a failure. I have that too. I have a lot of flaws. I see them as blessings. I'm not who I am without them. I can pretty much talk to anyone. Win. I hate science, but have to take a bajillion classes here at BYU-I. Fail. I have a great fiance. Win. I have a great family. Win. And I have awesome friends. WIN.

You only have one life, so fail and learn as much as you can. But come on.... lets fail together. 


Night y'all


A inspirational video my teacher showed us about failing:

http://youtu.be/wmfKa7yJtKo

Recipe of Life.

"Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life." 

SO... I'm a happy little camper today and just need some bloggin' to let it out! Because if I did as I wanted (which would be to scream out my window about my joy) I would get yelled at. Or spoken too since its "quiet hours." Yes, today is a day to dance and sing. I am not Negative Nancy! For this blogg-ness I would love to talk about the people I love, and why I love them!!! ON Y VA!

First and foremost: Jared-love. I love everything about you. The end. 
Just kidding hot stuff. I love how you treat me like your little princess. I'm very fortunate to have you in my life. I love to make you laugh and love when you smile at me. Especially with you smile wrinkles around your eyes. I'm so glad you're my best friend and I can have you in my life forever! Lets get married yeah? Haha!

Momma Kepi: You're my hero. I don't know where I'd be without you! You're my best friend in the world. You can always make me smile. I love that we can talk to each other and relate. I can tell you all my secrets. I'm gonna visit you as much as I can once I'm married. I can't wait for the rest of our life together. I couldn't ask for a better mother! I love you with my whole heart mommy.

Papa Smurf: Daddy, you are my motivation. I don't know who I'd be without you. I'm so glad that we're working on our relationship. I feel so much closer to you and I feel that I really can come to you with anything and everything. You have done so much for me and I will be eternally grateful. :) I love you!

Taylor Jade: Sister. We've had the best of times, and we've seen some lows... but I know that we'll always be the best of friends no matter what. I know that I annoy you sometimes, and that I haven't always been the best sister, but I am always here for you and I hope that we can come to each other for help, comfort and just to be friends. I love you darling.

Karalee Reann: Littlest (ok youngest) sister, I cannot believe how grown up you are. You are so gorgeous and mature! I'm so glad I can call you my sister. Even though you're taller than me, I will ALWAYS call you littlest sister. Because you are. You're the baby... you're spoiled... so we get to tease you. Its how it goes ;) But I'm so glad we're becoming the best of friends too. 

Nicoley-ohley: I'm so glad that we're back to normal. I know that I've not always been the greatest friend, but I'm gonna try harder. I'm glad that God put you in my life. I don't think I'd be the person I am today without you. All our late nights, trips to Island Park, and other adventures. Every college student needs a Nicole. I'm just glad you're mine ;)

Skizzy Louson: I'm so glad that we were roommates last spring. You can change anyone's mood just by listening. I don't know how I would get through what I do if I didn't have you to listen. You give me such great insight and a different perspective on things that are sometimes so simple. I'm so glad I get to room with you again in the fall :)

Nelley-poo: Haha.... oh man. Its been too long my friend. I miss swimming in the ditch. I miss going to Granny's house. I miss all the funny things we would do as 5th graders. I'm so glad that I met you when I did. If there was anything I missed when I moved, it was you. I am so happy I got to share Alabama with you and that you and I got to spend the time we did. I hope I can see you again soon. :)

My new family: Papa Jeff, Mamma Jan, Jason, Jalair, Jordan, and Jessa; I love you all so much already! I can't wait to get to know each of you better and be able to call you my mother, my father, my sisters and brothers! I am a little biased and have to say I'm so excited I get brothers! AND more sisters. My life rocks :) 

Roommates of semesters Past: Margot, Paige, and Kaisha: We had some great times girls! Our dance parties, our walks to the park, getting snow cones... Man. Best freshman year that i could ask for. Thanks for the laughs, the smiles, the tears and the heartfelt late night convos. Someday we'll all get together again. 

Current Roommate status: Tia, Hannah, and Kalee: You girls are so sweet! I love you all to death. Its weird being the old one here. Kalee, I will miss you, but Hannah and Tia, I get to spend another semester with you! It excites me greatly. I can't wait for the many more memories we will create together!!! 


To all other friends and family: Thank you for who you are. You are a wonderful example to me and have help carve me into the young woman I am today. My recipe for life would be very bland without all the wonderful ingredients you bring to the table. I am grateful that God has put you in my path, and I hope that I can continue to grow and have a greater relationship with you. I hope that I can add some sort of ingredient to your recipe we call life. 


Lets all be an ingredient that someone would like to add to their recipe. 


Love y'all.

Little Wishes.

A plan almost always has a happy ending. Essentially, every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time. I really like the idea of a plan not being seen as having definite outcomes, but more like little wishes. —Ben Gibbard

So its been about two and a half weeks since I've blogged and how I've missed it! A few things have happened, so lets get to it shall we?

Now as I said in the last blog, Jared has talked to my father about getting married, which is a huge step because we went about this all the wrong way... I guess I need to explain our situation out a little bit so we're all on the same page of the story.

Jared and I had been dating about two months when he broke his wrist, whilst snowboarding. That night I took him to the hospital to get everything checked out. Other than his cursing and some shaking, he seemed fine and we figured it would be a small fracture or break. When they called him back, they told me that because I was JUST his girlfriend, I would have to sit in the waiting room. If anything, that was a slap in the face. It certainly wasn't my fault we'd been dating for such a short time and had not had the time to become more than boyfriend and girlfriend. We were actually planning on getting engaged after Jared had spoken to my father. This small accident truly turned into a hell-ish nightmare.

Cast, as we always liked to call him, had indeed broke his wrist. However, he had an unexpected extra surprise up his sleeve. Maybe not that far up his sleeve... His hand had been mangled and all the bones had been shifted and dislocated. He would be needing surgery that night, and it was a serious, very rare surgery. When he demanded that they let me come back to his aide, he was shaking violently and seemed distressed as if he'd seen a ghost. The doctor greeted me, told me the problem and the action they would be taking to create a solution. I was flabbergasted. How could this be happening? It was a simple fall and a simple break right? Wrong. The doctor then said he would give Jared and I some time to talk and figure out what we would like to do. It was then that Jared asked me for his ring that I had been wearing for a few weeks. I was confused, that is until he tried to get up and get on one knee. I scolded him and told him to lay down, he was in no condition to be proposing to me on one knee, in his gown, shaking and holding his arm as if it was made of fragile glass. He then asked, "Ariel Danielle, will you marry me, forever and all eternity?" Of course I said yes. What kind of story would that be if I said no?!

A depressing one. Ha!

But as soon as I said yes, the anesthesiologist came and drugged him. The staff then showed me to his room that he would be staying in after the surgery. I seriously sat there for 4 or 5 hours. Staring at nothing. I had spoken to the nurse, Lexie, some, but even then it was small talk. Finally Jared came up to his room, drugged and still a little loopy. As soon as the nurses rolled him into his room, he said "There she is. That's her." Of course he had told them all about me and how I was to be his wife. Freshly engaged. Ha! I could still hear his words ringing in my ears. I was not planning on being engaged at the young age of 20. No, I was thinking maybe 21, 22.... when I was closer to the end of my college career. But here I was, and am, a 20 year-old college student, engaged to be married. 

To sum it up so I don't bore you to death, his family was overjoyed. My family wasn't too keen on the idea of me getting married. However, things were straightened out and now we're all happy.... I think. The thing that scares me is that if we wait too long, Jared's family will be frustrated or even angry. If we marry too soon, my family will think we're rushing things. Its a very very VERY complicated thing it is. But I can say, I'm going to plan accordingly, but to Jared and my wants and needs. Its our day. Our life. Our time. Not anyone else. 

Now that we're all on the same page, I just want everything to go on without a hitch. I've been making little wishes and started planning for our fiesta of a wedding. I wish everyone I invite could come to our wedding. That would be a joyous day, however I know that it won't happen. But I hope they can be there in spirit!

I haven't been the most positive crayon in the box this past week or so. I have felt somewhat down and distraught. I think I need a vacation, or need to go home again to see my family. It will be nice to go home and see them. Roommates I can actually live with because I've been around them my whole life. You know, its an amazing thing to come to college and live with people you've never met in your life. Some of you click, some of you get along but don't say much to one another. Sometimes you can't stand one another.... that can and is the worst of them all, let me tell your from some experience. But after 3 months, you move on, find new roommates and life is good. Sometimes your roommates are special enough that you want to room together again and again. Sometimes, things work out just fine, other times you fight and move on. Its life. Whatever. Just don't take your roommates home to meet your family. Your family can COME meet them, but NEVER take them home. Then your family hassles you on why you aren't friends anymore and you look like the culprit. If they've never met the lucky lady or gent, then they become the miscreant. If I have advise, just don't do it. You'll save a lot of time. 

Now for the title. Of course I'm planning a wedding, which consists of little wishes everywhere. But I don't think that you have to be planning seriously to have little wishes. I think we all have little wishes that in some ways are like plans. We are hoping for something in our life to come along or happen, and maybe they do come true. I like making little wishes on eyelashes and stars. Makes me feel young again. ;) Well its 1:50 in the A.M. Welcome to another Manic Monday! I hope everyone has a delightful week, and remember, its alright to make little wishes. <3

Forgivness means letting go of the past.

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.- Winston Churchill

Its a new day and a new week! Alright, its already Wednesday, and almost two weeks since I last blogged. But I had some pretty important events to attend.

First things first, I'd like to tell my baby sister Taylor Jade how proud I am of her for graduating and entering into the real world! I'm so glad to have you as my best friend!

The next thing I must say, is HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY KARALEE REANN! My babiest sister is 12 today! Right on! She gets to wear makeup now ;) But she really doesn't need it, I think she's gorgeous!

So I recently got a job working at Sports Authority again. I work in the back with the clothes.... however I didn't really work in the back last night, I was on the floor helping customers and hanging up baseball pants. Let me just tell you, for my first day of work, I OWNED IT. People kept asking me where things were and needed help like crazy, and I knew where most things were at. The only pet peeve that arose from this glorious day of work, was the lack of complete sentences used towards me. Granted, I myself do not use full sentences all of the time, but its really not that hard to ask a correct question. "Dressing room." "Soccer." "Baseball." Yes, periods follow those words, not question marks. They didn't ask, but rather stated. Do you know how annoying this is?! Come to Sports Authority while I'm working, saying "dressing room" or some other meaningless thing you're looking for and I'll chase you around the store. But that is all :) I won't hurt you.


Too badly that is.


Any how, Cast has an interview at Sports Authority today too... the funny thing is that we both put our applications in the same day, and I got the job within two days. Poor little Cast. Lets wish him good luck, cuz he needs a job.

Speaking of Cast, we have somewhat of a date-ish/time period in mind now for this fiesta called a wedding! How about spring next year? March? April? I think yes :) We'll be getting married in Mesa, Arizona, so the weather won't be too hot at that time and it'll be MAU-VALOUSS. (Thats with an accent yes.) LET THE PLANNING BEGIN! And the weight loss.... Who's with me? ;) No more "Thirsty Thursdays" for me! Both parties are now on board, and are happy with the plan. I've started compiling a wedding binder. And I LOVE IT!!!! I need more ideas on what to do, but I'll have to keep y'all updated on whats going on so you can be in the loop!

Everything seems to be going right in my life now. As the Song by Blue October says,

Be strong
Don't you give up hope
It will get hard
Life's like a jump rope

Up down
Up down
Up down
Up down yeah
Cause it will get hard
Remember life's like a jump rope 

If we don't have our downs, we'll never know what the good times are or could be. Thus far, I'm up. So don't try to bring me down right now please. Life, be good to me for a week or so.

Now for the meaning of the Title of this blog: "Forgivness means letting go of the past." When I read this, it really made me think of this past weekend, with time spent with my family. I was lucky enough to sit down with my Momma Kepi and Papa Smurf and have one of the most meaningful conversations in my entire life. My dad brought it to my attention that everything we do in this life is a choice, we don't HAVE to do anything. We can choose to go to work to support ourselves, we can choose to clean our room, or even things more serious, we can choose to die. Granted, there are those random occurrances that we cannot control ourselves, but the decision in life are our own to make, and no person can tell us different.

Another mind blowing part of our conversation is that no one is really wrong in this life, because we all have "truths." Something that may be a truth to me, may not be a truth to you or to the next person in line. Truths could be opinions, it could be a belief. But everyone has a truth about everything, whether you know what its about or not. To disagree about someones truth is not saying they're wrong, but that you see the same experience or idea in a different way. Think of it this way, 30 people get onto a roller coaster. Do you think everyone has the same experience? Of course not. Some are terrified. Some are sick out of their mind. Some think that the ride was alright, but nothing thrilling. Some believe it was the best ride in the entire world. If our world had no variety, we would cease to be individuals. Could you imagine living in a society like that? Like the book 1984? No thank you. I love my individuality and I love the fact I have my own truths to express and believe.

Phew! That was kinda deep now wasn't it? But to finish this deep down thoughts, if I've offended you, I'm sorry. But if you can't forgive me, then you'll have to just hold on to the past and let it haunt you forever. Forgive and forget.

WHELP, I guess I should do some homework (bleh!) and get on with life! Happy hump day to all, and to all a good night!