You know, I've always been afraid to fail in life. I've been afraid I would disappoint everyone who I've ever known if I was a failure. I mean, that's what this life is all about right? Getting the approval of others because you've become a mechanical engineer, a doctor, or maybe even an astronaut. WRONG. Life is about failing. Failing miserably. Fail hard. Fail a lot. Don't be afraid to fail, because in the end, no ones watching. Its all about you baby.
As I was getting ready today, I was listening to my iPod and stumbled across a song by Stephanie Smith that made me take courage, and to feel a little bolder. It is called My Giant.
My nightmare begins around the time when I'm first awake
Rolling out of bed, and on to another day
A thought drops into my head
Oh, you'll never be anyone, anyway
You can't change, so why don't you stay right here
No, no, no
I can't take another day of the constant bullying
There's no escaping the noise, the voice that's following me
When I'm with my friends they just can't see the enemy anywhere
She's right here
The back of my mind, the heart of my fear.
Chorus:
My problem, My Giant,
Just won't keep quiet
She's first thing every morning,
To the last thing that I hear at night
And she can't be completely indestructible
I only wish I could see how to defeat My Giant.
I've tried everything,
Hiding, fighting and sneaking around
But each time she finds me
flat on my back and laughs out loud
Theres got to be a way to knock her down
But I've already thrown my last stone
And she's not falling
Chorus
I just want her out here
If I can't make her disappear
Then I'll cover my ears
My problem, My Giant,
Is suddenly quiet
She lost her power when i shut her out
And she can't be completely indestructible,
No,
Now that I see how to defeat my Giant.
I'll stop listening, I'll stop listening,
Yeah, No more listening, No
'Cause I'm not listening to My Giant.
So I've taken to failing a lot in my life as of late, not because I really wanted to, but maybe just because it happened that way. Of course I had the choice to fail, but with my hindsight that we oh so wish we didn't have, I see the major mistakes I made, and wish I could change them. Us as humans normally don't like to share our failures. We seem weak and vulnerable, like we LIKE to fail. Not so my friends, not so. Having the courage to face your failures, and pretty much kick the trash out of them the next go round, that, oh that is sweet victory. So you know what I'd like to tell each of you? Fail. Do it. GO ON. FAIL! Because you'll be a better person than you were before. You'll gain knowledge you didn't see before. Yeah sure, you may say "Dang it. I wish I did that differently." Well do it differently! God gives us second chances all the time. Why not give yourself a second chance every once and a while?
In my Graphic Design class, which I LOVE to death, my teacher has made me grow so much, and made me stop and think about how much my life was my own. He was not teaching me to rebel, or eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow I would die... no. He was teaching me to take the things I am learning into my own hands, and fail at them. How else would I learn? We don't all come walking out of the womb, talking perfectly. We fall and get back up again. Try, try, try. We say funny things like aminal instead of animal. Oreo instead of Ariel. We're human. And that's the way it should be.
I had a lot of trouble last semester. Yes I got engaged, but for the last 4 weeks of the semester, I was so depressed I could hardly get out of bed. Fail? Yes. I did just that in all but two of my classes. SURPRISE! Am I weakening myself? No, I'm taking courage. I'm taking all of those classes over, if not this semester, I am the next semester. And you know what? I'm kicking the trash out of them! I have an "A" in my graphic design class, where before i had a C, then failed because I didn't feel like I could design as well as the other students. WIN. Sure, I'm having a hard time with English and a Science class that bore me to tears, but I'm gonna try to make these last 4 weeks count. And you know what? If I fail, GOOD! People have always told us that we had better not fail. Then obviously we'd be a FAILURE. No. Wrong-o people. I'm gonna fail and I'm gonna like it! A lot! Because I may not get it the first time around, but the second time, I'll be ready, and I'll be prepared.
I always have been afraid of failure. Depression is a failure. I have it. Anxiety is a failure. I have that too. I have a lot of flaws. I see them as blessings. I'm not who I am without them. I can pretty much talk to anyone. Win. I hate science, but have to take a bajillion classes here at BYU-I. Fail. I have a great fiance. Win. I have a great family. Win. And I have awesome friends. WIN.
You only have one life, so fail and learn as much as you can. But come on.... lets fail together.
Night y'all
A inspirational video my teacher showed us about failing:
http://youtu.be/wmfKa7yJtKo
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